delicate moments

All nannies have them. 

• You walk into the kitchen in the morning and you can feel the chill in the air. Mom is not talking to Dad and everyone is being extra nice to the kids. 
  
• Or you call Mom and she obviously has not talked to Dad about something important and now you are left breaking the news. 
  
• Or Grandma comes to visit and she does not know many things about how the home is run. You are the listening post as she complains about how Mom and Dad do things. 
  

These are just a few of those situations. There are so many more. And as a live in, the awkward moments can be pretty intense. I have had conversations with Mom's who are blow drying their hair in a bra. Not your usual workplace scenario. 

Nannies work in private homes. We are family, but not family. We are employees, but so much more. These situations are not ones you can take a class to learn about. And really there are no rules when it comes to dealing with them. I struggle with these kinds of situations all the time and I have been in the biz for more than 15 years. Like so much about our jobs, these delicate situations are so uniquely personal to the families and so intensely PRIVATE there is no where to go for advice. So how do you cope? Are there any hard and fast rules for these "delicate moments?"

feel free to share... but please do not post any specifics or names!! 

The words we choose

Most nannies at one point or another say the phrase..

"Watch your language!" 

Usually we are dealing with an attitude filled pre teen, or perhaps a toddler talking back. Children strive for independence and language is a tool that they wield powerfully, but sometimes inappropriately. 

Yet effective language is a tool that we as nannies do not often pull out of our arsenal when working with our employers. 

All too often nannies complain of a being treated unprofessionally. Some nannies are micromanaged, or treated like babysitters just there to keep the kid safe until mom and dad get home. And while this is fine for many caregivers, most nannies are much more than that to the children they care for. We plan activities, stimulate language, develop motor skills. We worry about socialization, brain development, and teaching kids manners, responsibility. Not to mention the ABC's, state capitals and the life of an average garden worm. We are educators. 

But when parents arrive home, do we say, "Today I provided stimulation for your infant's social emotional skills by playing peek a boo. We also went outside where we enjoyed some tactile stimulation. I developed his sense of attachment and well being by keeping him on schedule and cuddling him after his nap. And I made sure that he was provided with the proper fats in his diet to help develop his myelin sheath which is so important for his neurons." 

Well of course not, as that would be quite a mouth full every day! But do you use terms like "emotional development, tactile stimulation, attachment"? Do you explain to parents in some way the importance of the play dates you schedule for your 3 year old? Do you discuss brain development, or learning styles? Do you share professional articles and resources that you spend time studying? 

Nannies often ask me what they can do when a parent doesn't listen to them. Nothing. Well, almost nothing. You can't make someone listen to you. But you can in fact, keep altering the WAY you speak to the parents so that they will perhaps HEAR you. Use those professional words whenever you can. Write out a lesson plan or a daily journal and EXPLAIN in educational terms what you are doing and why. The words we choose make a difference. Not only will your employers begin to treat you more professionally, but you will also be sharing your knowledge with them and that is great for those charges you love so much! 

Planning for Nannypalooza

Nannypalooza 09 will be held in Washington DC. We made this change due to overwhelming feedback that to keep it in Philly year after year was "boring" and "not fair". I had some misgivings about planning a conference when I could not go and see things for myself. I live in the Philly area and so it was easy for me to drive to check out hotels and to connect with speakers etc.. 

So this weekend I made the trip down to Bethesda to check out what we are now committed to. First stop - our new conference center. We found REALLY great rates with a much more reasonable guarantee policy at the 4H conference center. This center used to be used for 4H groups to come and have retreats, meetings, etc.. Now with 4H more spread out all over the country, the center is available for other groups to use. It is a beautiful campus. Driving in, you feel as though you are heading onto a small, college campus. There is plenty of FREE parking around the back of the main building. Then you enter and go upstairs to the main foyer of the building. This is where we will probably have registration. 

Our main room is right off the lobby. Then we will have 2 breakout rooms and a larger room for vendors down the hallway and in a more private area. There are large couches to relax on and plenty of space to socialize. The center also has a recreation area/game room with computers, air hockey, vending machines, a large tv and couches in the basement. This will be a great space to chat with friends. (it feels a little like your parents' rec room!) There is WIFI access throughout the center. 

Breakfasts will be offered in the cafeteria which is a short walk across the driveway from the main building where we will be. The cafeteria is huge and has so many choices for foods. They have a waffle bar!! 

It was a great space and will be a great fit for OUR conference. It is not fancy, but it is nice. It is relaxed and not at all stuffy. It has a youthful vibe but does not feel like Chuck E Cheese! And most of all there is plenty of space for us! 

Check back for info on Bethesda and the Doubletree Hotel!! 

Unleash Your Inner Safety Goddess
By Britt Michaelian, M.A.
Author of Secrets of the Safety Goddess:
A Modern Safety Guide for Busy Parents

Doesn't it just sound euphoric to think about unleashing your inner goddess? How about unleashing your inner Safety Goddess? Ok, well maybe not as euphoric, but still a pretty enticing idea, right?

Today, you are going to find out 5 things you can do to tap into your inner Safety Goddess. The good news is that she is inside every one of us, if we choose to tap into her. The trick is knowing how...

When a mother takes home her first baby from the hospital, she is sent home with some diapers, a blanket and usually a bag of goodies with such things as a sample of baby shampoo, a tube of diaper rash ointment and coupons for diapers.

Unfortunately, there is no instruction book that comes home with our new baby because every baby is different. If you are lucky, you may have a very hands-on grandmother to help you manage your little one. However, the reality is that no matter how much mother's intuition you are blessed with and no matter how wonderful a caregiver you can possibly be, safety knowledge is not something we are born with. It is learned. So, educating yourself about child safety now is essential.

With the #1 cause of death in children being preventable injuries, it is our job as loving parents to educate ourselves about potential hazards, safety precautions and preferred actions to take in an emergency, if we want to keep our little bambinos safe!

Here are 5 steps you can take right now to tap into safety bliss:

Safety Goddesses, unleash!

1. Take annual CPR and First Aid courses through the American Red Cross or the American Heart Association.
2. Childproof your child and your home. Make sure that your windows have guards and locks, safety gates are installed at stairways, electrical outlets are covered, chemicals and cosmetics are out of reach and all other hazards are corrected. Communicate with your child about things that are dangerous and use protective gear and helmets when participating in wheeled activities.
3. Install, test and utilize your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors on every level of your home.
4. Supervise your children with the 5/10 rule: Never let a child under 5 out of your site for longer than 5 seconds and never let a child be more than 10 feet away from you. Expand the time to 10/20 for children between 5 and 9 years old. Supervision is essential for children of all ages!
5. Read child safety books, watch safety videos and regularly educate yourself with the latest recall information and safety news.

Speaking from experience, once I started reading about child safety, I got addicted. There is simply no end to the information you can find that will help you be a prepared and informed caregiver. Safety is a topic that you can never know too much about because the world is always changing, which means safety is too!

Now that you have let your inner Safety Goddess out to play, tap into safety at least once a month. Sign up for my Safety Pop newsletter, check out the Consumer Product Safety Commission Recall list, test your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors and sign up for those CPR classes.

Then, keep the ball rolling on safety. Start with you and move on to your community. One great way to promote safety is to pass it along as a gift. For under $20, you can purchase a copy of Secrets of the Safety Goddess: A Modern Safety Guide for Busy Parents or Care for Kids: The Essential Guide to Preparing Caregivers on Amazon.com and give a meaningful gift to a parent, teacher or nanny. If we can spread the message about the Safety Goddess to all of our fellow parents and caregivers, our children will be safer at playdates, school and in life. Now that sounds euphoric!



To find out more about child safety, go to http://SafetyGoddess.com and http://ResponsibleFamily.com

Year End Bonus?

As 2008 draws to a close many things are on our to do lists. Gift to buy, parties to go to, thanks to many who make our lives manageable. Your child's caregivers and teachers are probably on that list. But this year, with the economy so uncertain, you may find you are cutting back on those year end envelopes of joy. 

Nannies- that is to be a little bit expected. But that doesn't lessen the sting. Much like the dad in the Christmas Vacation movie, many of us expect that holiday bonus. We count on it especially if we have been with a family for more than a year and have gotten a bonus in years past. And in these stressful times, a nanny is often working late, filling in when needed and offering to help out more than normal. When the holiday envelope doesn't arrive, or is less than expected, hurt feelings can ruin what has  been a great thing for everyone. 

SO what are you to do? My advice is to remember what a difference a nanny can make in your life and remember that communication is key. If you want to keep a great nanny, you should really make it a priority to show your appreciation. If you are cutting back across the board on all holiday spending, let your nanny know. Explain that these sacrifices must be made but you would like to show your appreciation in another way. Offer and extra day off, a few late mornings that you can calendar throughout the year, some frequent flier miles, or other bonuses that don't cost you much but will make a big differences to the nanny. Show that age old mantra we preach to the kids is true, it is the thought that counts. Find a creative way to show that you care. Most of all don't be afraid to talk to each other. If you can find a way to discuss these touchy subjects, it will make all the difference in how you weather these tough times. 

The toughest part of this is how we, as nannies react. It can be almost impossible to not notice that they are spending tens of thousands of dollars on expensive gifts but then ask you to not take a bonus. And all too often we are counting on the bonus to pay for our traveling or gifts for this season instead of it being a true "bonus". Talk to your family and let them know how you feel. Don't let resentment or anger build. And remember, unless it is written in your contract, a end of the year bonus is not promised, even if you have gotten one before. When you do get a bonus, make sure to appreciate that this year, more than ever, it really means a lot! 

Sue Downey

Why nanny care IS an affordable choice for some

With the economy crashing and people tightening belts, much has been made about the fact that nanny care is expensive. And it is. It is certainly more than putting one baby in day care. However, for some families nanny care is truly a value. If a family has 3 kids in day care, a nanny can actually be less expensive. And the care happens in your home, with no commute to a center before and after work. Flexibility is a crucial advantage of nanny care. Many working parents work long hours, often racing to gather kids as centers close. Also, coming home to kids as opposed to picking them up can make all the difference for moms and dads who look forward all day to spending time with their children. In today's economy many professionals work non traditional hours, making nanny care essential. In addition, nannies often lighten the load around the home. Most nannies are willing to help with a few non child related tasks, shopping, starting dinner, picking up dry cleaning etc.. 

Certainly, nanny care is not for everyone. But I hope that today's parents don't discount the option and the many benefits just because some think the price tag is high. I know plenty of moms who come home to dinner on the stove, kids coloring quietly and a friendly smile from someone who just wants to make life easier for the family. It is hard to put a price tag on that in any economy. 

Sue Downey

Is the economy affecting nannies and daycare centers?

I have to believe that, with a resounding Yes, they are. Childcare is probably one of the most expensive costs to families, and I have to think that especially for nanny care, which sometimes comes with the added expense of healthcare, mileage and gas money, and extras that are provided to nannies.

And another cost of nannies, which parents seem to slowly be catching onto? Household-employment taxes. People who pay household workers more than $1,600 a year are required to file the necessary paperwork, consisting of Medicare and Social Security taxes, unemployment insurance - federal and state - and other state and local taxes, and this is often a tedious process. But by escaping these taxes, some nannies may be losing out on services and a safety net, according to an article in the Wall Street Journal today about parents avoiding "the nanny tax." The cause of this is due, in part anyway, to huge growth of parents hiring nannies from internet sites. From the article:

In the past, parents more often hired full-time nannies through brick-and-mortar agencies, which often exerted armtwisting to persuade both parents and nannies to pay taxes...An estimated 30% to 50% of nanny hires are now done online, up from about 10% five years ago. In general, that may lead to "doing things a little more casually," says Monica Fleming, president of GoNannies.com, an employment site.


So it would seem that while using the internet to obtain a great, trusting nanny would be convienent and safe in today's world, it might actually be allowing for less tax revenue and a safety net for the nanny?

What do you think of this? How do you think nannies and/or childcare centers have been or will be affected by the economy?

-Katie Conrad

New book helps to keep kids safe!

At Nannypalooza this year we were very honored to have New York City child abuse and sex crimes prosecutor Jill Starishevsky come and speak to us. She also owns the website How'sMyNanny.com. Jill's mission in life is keeping kids safe, and specifically she wants to keep children safe from sexual predators. I learned quite a few things in her presentation, not the least of which was to never teach a child to keep "secrets" as this is the first thing a predator will use as a way to keep the abuse silent. (Use the word surprise instead.) 

Jill recently published a new, groundbreaking book that I believe will save kids' lives. It is called My Body Belongs to Me. This book is a poem that will help start the conversation about personal safety. It is very brave and amazing. The one part of the book that is very specific about abuse, that very gently, but very clearly explains to a child that it is not ok for someone to touch you in places your swimsuit covers, was the part of the book that publishers wanted her to change or delete. But Jill knows from her dedicated work with the city of New York that keeping kids in the dark will not protect them. Keeping secrets is not good for anyone when it comes to abuse. 

I strongly recommend checking this out! 

www.MyBodyBelongsToMe.com