Nanny Diaries

I first became a nanny at the end of 1991. Moving from small-town Michigan to a suburb of Manhattan was certainly a shock, but what was even more shocking was the whole nanny culture. When I made the decision to become a nanny, I wasn't even sure what one was. Some friends who had graduated with teaching degrees learned that they could make quite a bit more nannying than they could teaching, so they packed up and headed east. I followed a few months after. My parents thought it was a scam for sure. "These people are going to let you live in their house AND eat their food AND drive their car AND pay you - all for babysitting?!?" Apparently they were.

I soon realized that being a nanny was not the same as being a babysitter. I met other nannies in my area, who took me under their wing and showed me what a difference I could make in the life of my charge. I couldn't believe how many nannies there were! They were from all over the world and from many varying backgrounds. They gently guided me and taught me to plan outings and activities to stimulate and socialize the baby. I soon felt a passion growing for my job. I could do this - and I could do it well.

When The Hand That Rocks the Cradle was released in January of 1992 I had been a nanny for two months. A few nannies that I had met through my placement agency made a date to attend as a group. At dinner afterwards, we discussed the film. A few of the women stated how nervous they were about the movie. They were worried that it would portray nannies in a bad way, and not give enough credit for the jobs that we do. I remember thinking that they were a little crazy. After all, it was just a movie. No one was actually going to believe that all nannies were like this. Then the media got ahold of it. Soon stories of horror at the hands of nannies were on the news nightly. People were anxious to make it sound like they had lived through similar situations. Now when I talked to friends from college and told them what I was doing with my life, I had to hear, "Oh. Are you sleeping with the husband? Have you killed anyone?" Ha. It got old very quickly.

Tonight we are going as a group to see The Nanny Diaries. In fact, groups from all across the country are planning to go. I have read the book and am not expecting people to come out of the movie extolling the virtues of nannies. I do, however, hope that it portrays us in a more positive light. Instead of painting nannies as sex-starved lunatics, this story seems to be told more from the nanny's point of view. I'm sure that it will be sensationalized a bit for the movie. A movie depicting my life as a nanny might be amusing at times... but it certainly wouldn't make an engrossing film. Oh well. Let's be honest - we're all really going for the popcorn anyway.
-Charlotte Hilliker from Pa

Baby Nurse?

I was introduced to the world of nursery nurses a few years after I began working as a nanny. I met some Manhattan nannies and many of the households they worked in had a nursery nurse as part of the staff. I was intrigued by these women, dressed in full uniform, overseeing the nursery. Guarding the babies like a mother cub. Unlike my nanny friends whose job it was to accommodate their at-home employer, these nurses accommodated no one. They did what was best for the baby and didn’t budge if others, including the parents, balked. Ah, the confidence that comes from not needing your next paycheck.

All of the women I met were pediatric nurses who had retired from their jobs early and worked 3 or 4 months in a row so they could afford to relax for next 8 or 9 months. They were paid extremely well, often received substantial bonuses or gifts at the end of their term and had a waiting list of potential clients. Of course their formal training and years of nursing experience played a big part in that equation. Training and experience matter. I still see these types of jobs today in fully staffed households and the women that fill them are still retired nurses.

I know several nannies that have entered the nursery nurse market. While many call themselves infant specialists (the term our industry is turning towards) some fight to use the term Nursery Nurse. I believe the title should be reserved for those that have invested the time, money and effort into obtaining a nursing degree and gaining the requisite experience. Because titles do matter. That’s why nannies go crazy when an 18 year old babysitter declares herself to be a nanny. There’s a difference between nannies and babysitters and we want that difference to be recognized and acknowledged.

I’m not saying that nannies shouldn’t work as newborn caregivers. Night Nannies and Infant Specialists provide a great service to families and are a hot commodity in today’s market. I’m just saying they should take on the title that accurately represents their level of education and experience.

Lora Brawley
nanny of 18 years

How becoming a mom changed the way I nanny:

I was a full time nanny for six years before my son was born, and a part time nanny/babysitter for seven years before that. Children were always my love and my life. While other children wanted to be doctors, firefighters, ballerinas, etc. when they grew up, I always wanted to be a stay at home mom who volunteered while her kids were in school. I didn't know there were such things as nannies, but I knew the only thing that I would be happy doing is spending my days one on one with a few children at a time. I was not called to be a teacher, or work in a daycare, or to work with large groups of children. I firmly believe that my gifts are best fulfilled when I work with one or two families at a time to help raise a few precious children for a period of time. So when I moved to North Carolina 8 yrs. ago, after going to college, and found a high demand for nannies in my area, I was overjoyed.I've always considered myself a good nanny. I would connect with my charges in a special way, and take them into my heart and life. I even missed the kids on weekends and vacations. There was one special girl, who I started with when she was only 2 months old. Her mother and I became close friends, and this child became "my little girl." I am close to her to this day, and while I was her nanny I was truly her second mommy.After my son was born I had a hard time finding a nanny job. I went from being a high demand nanny to an unemployed nanny. The families I talked to did not want to hire a nanny who brought her child for a variety of reasons. Some just had too many children in the house already, and could not add to the chaos. Some feared I would not care for their child as well as I cared for my own. Some were open to me bringing my child, but wanted to cut the pay in half. And I believe some were simply jealous that I had the option of staying home with my child and still getting paid. I do not say that to be judgmental. The choice to return to work or stay home is heartbreaking to a mother, and most mother's are never fully comfortable with what they choose.But having my child with me has only deepened my love for what I do. Being a mother has touched every fiber of my being, and is the closest thing I have found to true happiness. That love and happiness overflows onto my charges. I feel everything deeper. I notice the milestones more. I pay closer attention to the little details. I have the mother instincts now, and they're tuned in to my charges as well as my own child. Safety is more important than ever to me.And I have empathy for my employers like I never had before. I understand now what it means to work all day, stay up all night with a sick child, and still have to work the next day. I can relate to the guilt and anxiety that comes with leaving your child in the hands of another. I can also understand the need be out in the world as something other than a mommy for a little while.Having a child has definitely made me a better, more empathetic nanny. And the kids enjoy having a playmate as well. I know my son loves his "big brother," and would be devastated if I switched jobs. I never planned on raising an only child, and I love that my son gets to have these "siblings."I know I am blessed to be doing exactly what I love, and getting to be with my own child at the same time. There are challenges when you can't leave your child along with your charges at the end of the day, however. Sometimes I find myself getting drained. It's then that I have to turn my son over to my husband and take some time for myself. No one can be Super Woman 24/7 all alone. We all need a little help sometimes.

Melanie Schlimm

10 ways to find a really great nanny

When you are a nanny people like to talk to you. They ask you where you came from. I of course came from the planet Poppins but people rarely believe it. Seriously- everyone is looking for fabulous, loving, reliable child care. And when they see you in public providing that care they ask- where can I get someone like you? Again I must resist the urge to say that you can "get" one at the NANNYS-R-Us on the corner. However, to help those of you in cyberland really looking for a nanny here are my top ten answers to that question.
1. Find a good nanny agency. Don't just call the one in the phone book with the biggest ad! Ask your friends, co- workers or nannies you know which agency in your area is great. Then interview the agency like you would interview your nanny. Bad agencies rarely place fabulous nannies. NANC has a great list of agencies on thier website.
2. Tell everyone you are looking for a great nanny. EVERYONE. Your kids teachers, your friends, at your church, and anyone you can think of. Word of mouth can work wonders and it is cost effective.
3. Look online- but carefully. Be specific about what you are willing to pay, your hours and honest about the nannies duties. Weed out candidates by email first- then over the phone and only then in a face to face interview.
4. If you need part time help and you are on a budget- check out the local college. Place an ad in the college paper or through the education department. But know that the schedules for this type of nanny are flexible- both your way and thiers.
5. Don't be afraid to contact local nanny support groups. Most of them do not place nannies- but some will circulate the job to see if anyone is interested. Know that this is not the same as using an agency. There are no reference checks or anything- you have to do the work.
6. BE HONEST about what you want a nanny to do. If you need help with the housework feel free to ask, however, the best nannies I know- the ones who are a cross between Maria Von Trapp and Mary Poppins do not do housework. Picking up after the kids- ok. Picking up after the adults- no way!
7. Interview at least 2 times. Once with no kids around. Once with the kids for part of the time. Ask a zillion and one questions. Then ask more. Check references even if the agency has done this.
8. Go with your gut. Eliminate anyone who rubs you the wrong way. Whether it is a real concern or jsut a personality thing- if you don't get along with your nanny for some reason it will end badly. Every time. Every single time.
9. Use a work agreement (contract) and be specific.
10. Treat your nanny as you would want to be treated. I know sounds like silly "everyone knows this advice" but it doesn't always work that way. Nannies are insanely loyal to employers who treat them fairly and with kindness and respect.

This is just my advice. But I think it holds true. Of course you can always just travel to the planet Poppins.

-Sue Downey

A special announcement

Here it is- what you have been waiting for! NANNYPALOOZA 07!

We have a date! We have a hotel! We have some enthusiasm and we have some of the details!

If you don't know what I am talking about let me fill you in. Nannies have a few special needs. We need to talk to adults every once in awhile. We need to have a "co-worker" chat every once in awhile. We need training on the child related issues as well as the unique concerns of our profession. There are not many places where nannies can fill these needs. And at a low cost. SO we held Nannypalooza (woo-hooo) last year in Philadelphia. It was a 2 day weekend conference that gave nannies plenty of chances to socialize and learn. It was HUGELY successful (if I do say so myself) and the response was great. We have now planned to do this conference again. We are staying in Philly because it is close to a large majority of the East Coast nannies and it is fairly inexpensive as far as these things go. We had to up the price a little- but we include 3 meals and over 15 workshops to choose from so you get lots of bang for your buck. Check out the website NANCWebsite for more details including hotel information.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS!

Nannypalooza! ‘07
Saturday, October 20th and Sunday, October 21st
Philadelphia, PA

Tis the season for nanny tipping

Oh the holidays! The joy! The gifts! The little faces filled with joy as they open up.....holiday bonus envelopes! At this time of year it is good to remember the people who make life good for you, your hairdresser, mailman, doorman, oh yeah and the person who cares for your little ones all year long. When I first started as a nanny, I heard tales. The playground is a little like a locker room- the stories are a bit over the top. But there are families that do these things- I have checked. Nannies tell of families handing them $1000 checks, airline tickets home with a week of vacation, year memberships to the gym, broadway shows with hotel and dinner included. WOW! It means alot to a nanny who maybe comes from more humble beginnings to be treated in such lovely ways. Especially because nannies work hard. They go the extra mile day after day. Being alone with a 2 year old for 12 hours a day 5 days a week for a year sometimes feels like a maximum sentence. So a bonus- say a weeks pay which is what most experts reccommend-is nice. And keys to a new car really lets them know how you feel. BUT- the part most nannies won't tell you is this. We really just want a thoughtful reminder that you care about us. That you appreciate us. A handmade card- that you took the time to help the kids make- is as valuable to us as it is to you the parent. A great camera bag lets me know that you pay attention and appreciate all those pictures of the kids I take. A gift certificate for a massage or a day off shows me that you know how hard I work. Nannies, like everyone really, just want to know that they are loved. Of course my grandpa always said, nothing says love like cold hard cash! But the love is what lasts.

Sue Downey
nanny

Giving Thanks

I fell into being a nanny. I was looking for a "real" job and needed something to tide me over. So I begin working for a temp nanny agency. Providing sick child care, filling in for vacationing caregivers and finally taking an after school position with a single dad and his 15 year old daughter. After a few months of working as a part-time nanny, I realized that this nanny thing might be just what I was looking for - a job that allowed me the time and money to go back to school and finish my business degree. So I took a nanny job on the East coast, was surprised by how much I loved being a nanny and after a semester of business classes, remembered why I left school to begin with. So much for my plan.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving 2006. Much of what I'm grateful for this week comes from my work as a nanny. I do work that I love and that is important, I've developed wonderful relationships with kids that I would have never known otherwise (what a loss that would have been!!) and I've met many of my closest friends though a nanny network. Not bad for, what seemed at the time, to be a failed plan of action.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. And I hope that we all continue to take "wrong turns" that point us in the right direction!

Lora Brawley

Only in Philadelphia...

Recently when a group of Philly nannies were exchanging funny stories from our experiences with children, I was reminded of something that happened when I was a nanny for the "Lake" family. There were 3 children in this family, who were probably 9,7, and 4 when this incident occurred. These were very bright, creative kids who played well together. They weren't allowed to watch a lot of television, but the one show they chose to watch week after week was one of those shows where people built robots and then made them fight each other. The boys were obsessed! When they received TinkerToys for Christmas, they immediately started using them to build "robots." It wasn't long before their "robots" were ready to have a battle! "Macy," who is the oldest, used the Fisher Price cassette player (the one with the microphone) to call the play-by-play. When the arena was all set up they begged me to come play with them. I said, "Wait.. if you two are competing and Macy is the announcer - who do I get to be?" Without missing a beat Macy said, "You can be the drunk guy in the cheap seats!" I'm convinced that kids only learn this type of thing in Philadelphia....

-Charlotte Hilliker
nanny for 14 years

The B Word

My 7-year-old climbs into the car with something on her mind.
"Jenn?"
"Yup?"
She chews her bottom lip. "Well... I know you don't like to be called a babysitter. I know you're not a babysitter. But on the pick-up sheet, we have to check parent or babysitter."
"So you have to check babysitter?" I ask.
She nods vigorously. "Yes! And I told my teacher that you're not a babysitter. I told her you're my nanny. And Jenn?"
"Hm?"
Her voice drops to the level that most people use to discuss a fatal illness. "She said that they're the same thing."
I laugh. I've been taking care of this child since she was a baby. I have held her in my arms as she lay limp, burning with fever. I have cried with her over scraped knees and hurt feelings. I have had serious and meaningful discussions with her about life's most important issues, everything from why we can't see God to why we aren't going to touch the dead squirrel in the backyard. She believes what I tell her. And since she's been a baby, I have told her that nannies and babysitters are not the same thing.
A babysitter is the sweet young girl down the street who Mom and Dad hire to look after you when they go out. Her function is to keep you safe and entertained. Babysitters are fabulous, and every great nanny I know started out in that role.
But a babysitter is not a nanny. A nanny is a skilled professional who is there as a substitute parent. Not only do we keep children safe and happy. We also teach and comfort and love and make important decisions every day. We shape little minds, and we strive to provide the best possible starting point for little lives.
For me, it's completely a matter of selfishness. It really doesn't matter whether my little girl writes babysitter on her pick-up sheet at school. She and I both know that I'm an important influence in her life, and that I have a great deal of responsibilty for who she becomes as she grows. But the truth is that I want credit. I fully expect teachers and parents and the rest of this world to recognize me as someone who does a job that matters, who makes an important contribution. I don't do this because I can't do anything else. I do this because I chose it, and I want that fact to be acknowledged.
So I explain this to her in age-appropriate terms, and because she is the most brilliant and fabulous child in the history of the world, she understands.
She gets in the car the next day and says, "I told my teacher that there's a big difference between a babysitter and nanny."
"Good for you," I say. "And what did she say?"
"She didn't get it."
"That's okay," I tell her.
"Jenn?"
"Yeah?"
"I wrote nanny on the pick-up list anyway!" She gives me a big, beautiful grin that absolutely makes my week.
We exchange high-fives, sharing this connection of hearts.
I'm happy to tell you that there's a 7-year-old out there who knows what I'm talking about. Now I just have to work on that teacher...

Jennifer Ellis May
nanny for 12 years

NANC & Nannies Helping to Shape the Future

About two years ago I was introduced to Joel* a Chicagoan with an intriguing story. Joel is a multi-million dollar businessman who is frequently named as one of the top ten entrepreneurs in the USA. Why you ask am I telling you about Joel? Well, as Joel tells it he and his twin brother Jake* were raised by their nanny, Maeve*. Joel's mother has a serious mental illness and was unable to care for her twin boys throughout their childhood. Fortunately, for this family they hired Maeve* a Nanny who took her job seriously and concentrated on providing them with the guidance and love that they so needed. Maeve died last year and when Joel and Jake were making the funeral arrangements they were amazed to be overwhelmed with requests to speak at her funeral from their childhood school & neighborhood friends. Maeve's influence and love spread beyond simply her charges. In the days following Maeve's death Joel received many cards expressing condolences. Joel said that many recounted the author's memories of Maeve helping them with their homework, turning a cooking project into a science experiment and helping the children build a treehouse. Even up to the point of her last hospitalization Maeve continued to guide and advise Joel telling him that "she didn't raise him to look like a hooligan that he needed to learn to keep his shirt tucked in"! As adults Joel & Jake would often eat dinner with Maeve and much to their chagrin she could still silence their arguments with a single raised eyebrow. Joel credits Maeve for providing the emotional stability, consistency, unconditional love & discipline that made him into the man that he is today.

While we as nanny all have different job descriptions, roles and family dynamics, what we do have in common is the opportunity to make a difference in our charge's lives. We are blessed with this chance and I know for me the single most rewarding part is that I am able to help shape young lives just as Maeve did. It is my hope that by creating a credentialing program we can truly begin to raise the bar and change the publics perception of how to define a nanny.

~Mindy Pannell
Nanny for 10 Years






*Name changed to protect identities.

Being a nanny

Most people in the United States don't grow up wanting to be nannies. If you are good with children and want to do that sort of thing you want to be a mom or a teacher. I would venture a guess that most people in the United States don't even know really what being a nanny is all about. I know this because as a nanny I get all kinds of questions. Things like: Do you have to put the kids to bed every night? (not usually) Do you ever get a day off? (I work a regular M-F work week) Don't the kids bother you when it is your time off? (No, they would rather be with thier parents!) Why do people have kids if they aren't going to take care of them? (Well, they are taking care of them- they hired the best nanny in the world to make sure their needs are met and that they are safe and happy. There are all kinds of parents.) Nannies are still a mystery to many. But I am glad I am not a mom. I am glad I am not a teacher. I am glad to be a nanny. It is the right place for me to be- despite the questions. Now if I could only get people to stop asking me if I could jump into chalk drawings and fly on umbrellas!
--Sue Downey
nanny for 14 years

Welcome to our blog

Here it is - an online forum to talk about NANNIES! And by talk about nannies, I mean talk about how fabulous we are! Hopefully these pages will fill with great stories about how nannies make a difference in the lives of children. Stories of nannies giving exceptional care. It will be a forum for discussion regarding our quest for a credential. It can be another way for us to define who we are, what we do and where we as a profession are going!

Do you have something to say about being a nanny? Do you have something to say about what nannies need to know? Maybe you have something to share about how nannies have made your life better. Let us know! You could be the next guest blogger!

--- Thanks!
Sue Downey- NANC publications chair