Monday, June 01, 2009

delicate moments

All nannies have them. 
  • You walk into the kitchen in the morning and you can feel the chill in the air. Mom is not talking to Dad and everyone is being extra nice to the kids. 
  • Or you call Mom and she obviously has not talked to Dad about something important and now you are left breaking the news. 
  • Or Grandma comes to visit and she does not know many things about how the home is run. You are the listening post as she complains about how Mom and Dad do things. 

These are just a few of those situations. There are so many more. And as a live in, the awkward moments can be pretty intense. I have had conversations with Mom's who are blow drying their hair in a bra. Not your usual workplace scenario. 

Nannies work in private homes. We are family, but not family. We are employees, but so much more. These situations are not ones you can take a class to learn about. And really there are no rules when it comes to dealing with them. I struggle with these kinds of situations all the time and I have been in the biz for more than 15 years. Like so much about our jobs, these delicate situations are so uniquely personal to the families and so intensely PRIVATE there is no where to go for advice. So how do you cope? Are there any hard and fast rules for these "delicate moments?"

feel free to share... but please do not post any specifics or names!! 


The words we choose

Most nannies at one point or another say the phrase..
"Watch your language!" 
Usually we are dealing with an attitude filled pre teen, or perhaps a toddler talking back. Children strive for independence and language is a tool that they wield powerfully, but sometimes inappropriately. 

Yet effective language is a tool that we as nannies do not often pull out of our arsenal when working with our employers. 

All too often nannies complain of a being treated unprofessionally. Some nannies are micromanaged, or treated like babysitters just there to keep the kid safe until mom and dad get home. And while this is fine for many caregivers, most nannies are much more than that to the children they care for. We plan activities, stimulate language, develop motor skills. We worry about socialization, brain development, and teaching kids manners, responsibility. Not to mention the ABC's, state capitals and the life of an average garden worm. We are educators. 

But when parents arrive home, do we say, "Today I provided stimulation for your infant's social emotional skills by playing peek a boo. We also went outside where we enjoyed some tactile stimulation. I developed his sense of attachment and well being by keeping him on schedule and cuddling him after his nap. And I made sure that he was provided with the proper fats in his diet to help develop his myelin sheath which is so important for his neurons." 

Well of course not, as that would be quite a mouth full every day! But do you use terms like "emotional development, tactile stimulation, attachment"? Do you explain to parents in some way the importance of the play dates you schedule for your 3 year old? Do you discuss brain development, or learning styles? Do you share professional articles and resources that you spend time studying? 

Nannies often ask me what they can do when a parent doesn't listen to them. Nothing. Well, almost nothing. You can't make someone listen to you. But you can in fact, keep altering the WAY you speak to the parents so that they will perhaps HEAR you. Use those professional words whenever you can. Write out a lesson plan or a daily journal and EXPLAIN in educational terms what you are doing and why. The words we choose make a difference. Not only will your employers begin to treat you more professionally, but you will also be sharing your knowledge with them and that is great for those charges you love so much!