The Nanny-Mother Relationship

Should a nanny be a part of the family or should she/he remain stricty business?

 

I have heard both ends of the spectrum on this issue. I had the pleasure of being immediately accepted as family when I first came to nanny. I was grateful for this because I was 1,200 miles from home and a little nervous. The family was very accommodating, allowing me to put my favored foods onto the grocery list and occassional personal items if necessary. I was also given gas money weekly, and wherever I took the kids I was given money or re-imbursed. The mother of the 3 fabulous kids also helped me find a doctor, dentist, pharmacist, and helped me switch my car and health insurance policies.

 

I worked for a very laid-back family, where it was even acceptable for me to take personal calls at the house or on my cell phone. I was given time to run errands during the business day if necessary, and occassionally a friend stopped by to play with the kids, or to pick up a forgotten item.

 

I cannot complain about the environment in which I worked. Actually, the fact that it was so laid back made me want to NOT endulge in those opportunities out of respect. I rarely accepted personal calls, unless from family, and I tried to make doctors and hair appointments on my day off or early in the morning. In the very beginning, when I did not know a soul in my new town, on my days off I would take the kids with me to discover the town. Our relationship worked very well because everything was laid out in the beginning. I did my job,  and thus few problems occurred. I still have a great relationship with the family for which I nannied, including the parents.

 

I have heard of some rough stories. And really, the media (remember The Nanny Diaries?) likes to play on the bad relationships between mothers and nannies. I think that if both parties really just concentrate on their number one priority - the children - the relationship works, whatever way it naturally flows. I have also heard, and I do think it is a common belief that there is a complete lack of communication between mothers and nannies, which can lead to jealousy and resentment.

 

What has been your experience? And is the media portrayal correct? How can mothers and nannies overcome problems?

 -- Katie Conrad